talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
