Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
