just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
