I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
