party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number