You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother