Cold hands, warm shart.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.