Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.