somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
