I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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