OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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