i barfeds in our rink
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
