My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
