Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
