The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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