I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
