wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
