we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
