He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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