I need to stop coming to work sober
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
At least life still wants to fuck me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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