I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
