I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
