my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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