he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
