I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
