On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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