addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
