You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
