your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
