I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
