batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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