i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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