You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
