This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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