Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
