Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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