U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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