I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
