Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
