My liver just broke up with me...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
