I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
