Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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