just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
