i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just had sex on a roof
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
