Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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