five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
