my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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