God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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