the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
