my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
