I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
