I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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