I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
