is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
