I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also, beer. Big fan.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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