she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
