I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
