well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
