Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You're like the curious george of whores
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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