after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
