fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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