She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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